Can I go on a little rant here? Would that be okay?
Alright, so I’m in college. Which I fully understand means lots of hard work and studying and having to manage my time. I also fully realize that there are going to be times where I have to give up hanging out with friends and instead spend hours studying. I get that. I really do. But lately..
Here’s an example of how jumbled and fast-paced my mind has been:
“Okay so let’s think I need to first make sure I print off those notes for Math tomorrow which I can’t forget to change my alarm to get set for 6:50 and then after Math I need to head over to the Lily building where I can review my Environmental Conservation notes before class oh and next week on Wednesday is the exam so I need to start making notecards for that and then after class I have an hour so I can read Chpt 6 in Political Science and then I have World Lit so I need to make sure I read those 16 poems and write a sentence summary for each and then I have an hour break so I can do my math homework and then I have class and then after class I can grab dinner and bring it back to my room so I can get started on those 11 worksheets I need to get done by tomorrow and then I can read some more in my novel for World Lit because I’ve only read 20ish pages of that 800 page novel and that reminds me I have my World Lit midterm next week on Monday so I need to start making a study guide for that and Oh crap I also have another math test next week as well so I need to start studying for that plus I have my huge math project binder due the day after the exam so I need to organize all of that information and put it together and wow I’m starting to feel a bit overwhelmed so maybe I should close my eyes and take some deep breaths *fast deep breathing because I honestly cannot make myself slow down* Okay well that did nothing well I better start with the Environmental study first..”
And on it goes. And on. And on. And that is just ONE day.
My brain has honestly been on hyper speed mode these past few days. I try to stop and relax and pray about it, but even my prayers have been coming out super fast paced and I can’t make myself stop and just “Be Still”. I just have SO much to do and I keep thinking about how I can use every spare second to make sure I can get everything done on time. But it’s getting a bit ridiculous. Ya know, each day I make a daily schedule, each week a weekly one, and finally I have one for each month. And for the past few days I’ve scheduled in “Time with God”… and the past few days, I’ve cancelled on him each time.
Seriously, how wrong it is that I’m letting my college work eat away at my time with God? I KNOW only in time with him will I find true rest.. but I (disgustingly) find myself thinking, “God, I’m really sorry and I know this is so wrong but I have so much to do and I’m so tired and I will definitely make sure that soon we’ll spend some time together.” Ugh, I make myself sick. And just in the past hour I was reading through my College Study Skills Textbook, and this is what is honestly said:
“Postpone Social Activities: Place your schoolwork ahead of your social life. True friends will understand those priorities and spend time with you when you are available. There will be time for celebrating and seeing friends during school breaks and after you graduate and achieve your educational goals.”
Now, I’m not saying that you shouldn’t work hard at school and not take it seriously. But honestly? I felt convicted and disgusted reading that. How dare they suggest that “Books and Studying” are more important than people? When a friend calls you in need, a “True Friend” doesn’t say, “Ohh sorry. I know you need to catch up and get coffee and want me to pray with you, but I can’t.. I have too much homework. Maybe in 2 years once I graduate?” I’m sorry, but “educational goals” are NEVER more important than people. Jesus wouldn’t have cared about getting a fancy degree from a well known college. He cares about people. Being there for them, loving them, encouraging and challenging them. And if someone tells me on campus that I need to spend less time encouraging and being there for others and more time studying, I will tell them they’re wrong.
Okay, maybe I’m taking this out of context or out of proportion. I may just be getting a bit overworked from a lack of sleep (which has become the norm lately). And I really do think getting the chance to go to college (for me) has been a huge blessing from God. And I really do want to do my best and work hard.
But honestly, lately I’ve been starting to think about some things. Like how on my campus everyone is overworking themselves. I had dinner with two close friends this week, and they were telling me how stressed they are, how bad their days have been, and how they’re overwhelmed with school. One even had tears in her eyes. I know my University is a top academic school and one of the hardest in the country to get an “A” in and all that jazz, but still. How pathetic it is when I am working myself so much that I don’t even allow myself time with God? How, if everything else is completely worthless compared to tuly knowing God, which I wholeheartedly believe to be true, then why am I choosing to study even more instead of making him first? And, if “the last will be first and the first will be last”.. then why am I and everyone else on campus working so incredibly hard to be “first”.. working ourselves to the bone to make sure we get the best job, the best internship, the best of everything? And don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying you shouldn’t work hard, or want a great job or internship, or great grades. Hard work is important. But I’m positive that working myself until I’m exhausted and worn out and find myself sacrificing time with Jesus to bust my butt to get an “A” is NOT what God wants for me. And frankly, it’s not what I want either. It’s time I start praying about finding a happy medium concerning school.
Okay, thanks for listening/reading. I fully realize this rant was incredibly long. But it’s just something I need to say, and process, and I definitely need to be praying about. Tonight I am finishing up homework early. It’s time I re-shift my focus and have some quality time being still with my God. Hopefully this ranting post was somewhat encouraging to you to also have a reality check with your priorities, and encourages you to do the same. If anyone in college/grad school/high school/middle school wants prayer for school (or anything else actually) just message me. I know how stressful school can be. I would love to pray for you!
Thanks for listening!